I have never been the type of girl who dreamed of her wedding day and had everything visualized and picked out before the age of 10, or before there was even someone to offer a ring. Not that there is anything wrong with that, that just wasn’t me. I didn’t even really think of marriage until a few of my girlfriends started to throw around the word engagement in my mid twenties. Since I have seen many of my friends tie the knot, “marriage” had me really thinking deeply about what that word meant to me.
Things happened differently for us. We had a child first, and I wouldn’t of had it any other way. Our daughter taught us more than I could have imagined about supporting one another and working as a team. We thought we would get married when it felt right. When our daughter was no longer dependent on me as her main source of food was when we started to have some conversations as this allowed us a dose of flexibility that we hadn’t seen in about a year.
So we got engaged. Holy shit. I entered into this new world of ridiculously inflated prices and incrediable pressure to make sure I had all of the “traditional” elements included for “my” special day. Basically, the planning started turning into something that did not feel right for either of us. We wanted to feel as comfortable as we could on our own wedding day, so we did what felt right and offended some people along the way, I’m sure. We had to make some choices and that were hard for us, but essential to keep the integrity of our day.
I often have people asking me “Was the day was everything you thought it would be?” or “Was it everything you have always wanted?” I didn’t really know how to answer those questions because I didn’t have this predetermined expectation of what the day would look like or be like. When I look back and reflect on the day, all I know was that we had people that love us show up and support us, delicious food, gorgeous flowers, an amazing energy and vibe, a talented photographer to capture candid moments as the day unfolded, beautiful speeches that were straight to the point and shot right to the heart, and my now husband there by my side to enjoy every moment with and create some really special memories. What else could a girl ask for? It felt real, authentic, a reflection of us, and I wouldn’t have changed a thing.
Some people hold the belief that a child secures a couple for the future. Yes, two parents are attached to each other for life because they share the most precious thing together, their child. Some people believe that buying a house together means a they are making a promise of commitment to each other for their future. Even if there is a child, a dog, a house, or a joint bank account, there was something special about making that promise to each other on our wedding day. I’m not saying that people need to get married in the traditional sense to make this commitment to each other, it can look however a couple wants it to look. Just something to celebrate the love of two people for rich and for poor, for better and for worse, and everything in between.